Are babies going to die?
A striking question. Yet that is the point. I worked my way through college as a manager of an Estee Lauder counter at Bloomingdale’s. In case you don’t know, cosmetics are big business with American women spending nearly $7 billion each year. At the time it was a business conducted with the same calm, warm presence as the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. I was young, loved helping people, and wanted to please everyone. That made me good at my job and stressed beyond my capacity.
One week, an ad in the local newspaper promoted a lipstick that I think was called Palace Pink. Unfortunately, what we had in the store wasn’t Palace Pink but was Starlit Pink or maybe the other way around. So customers came into the store and were angry and disappointed. And we managed. We showed them other things. I did tell my store manager about the problem, but I did not call New York. This was before Fed Ex could overnight things. I didn’t think there was much they could do and I was too busy managing the situation. To tell the truth, I was afraid of my New York boss. She was a screamer who was never satisfied.
You probably have guessed what happened. Instead of being yelled at for bothering my New York manager, I got reamed out by her for not calling to complain about the ad. She is the woman who taught me to swear. I was a crying mess at the end of the call.
By now you are wondering how this has anything to do with babies dying. That’s kind of my point. Nothing. No one dies over lipstick. When I got off the phone after being scolded, I called my mentor. She tried to help me get perspective and told me about a friend who was a physician in Africa. If he screwed up at work, babies died. That is something worth screaming about.
Ever since then, when faced with a dramatic event, before I decide it’s a crisis, I ask, “Are babies going to die?” If the answer is no, then is it really a crisis? Over time, I’ve adapted it to three questions. In the immediate future, is anyone going to die? Is anyone going to jail? Is anyone going to lose their job? If we are still at no, we may have a problem but it isn’t a crisis.
For me, asking these questions always puts things in perspective. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Ok, it’s aggravating when my baggage doesn’t make it to my destination but, no one’s life is going to be changed and it will get to me eventually. A friend doesn’t return my call when I expected it? Annoying but again, no one’s life is forever altered. The computer help desk kept me on hold for half an hour, the plane is leaving late, or my hotel reservation is lost. All are disappointing interruptions but also all fixable without any life altering complications.
So when you feel your shoulders and jaw tighten and you find yourself on the verge of hyperventilating or yelling at someone, ask a few questions. Your life will be better. I promise.